It's Not About Me

I've been stuggling alot lately, with the spirit of depression hanging over me. It knocks at my mind, biting at my thoughts, and tearing at my soul. My immediate reaction to try and rid myself of this feeling is, I must try and do more for God. Maybe if I post a status on facebook today about, 'how good God is,' I might feel better. Or let me just go do some good deeds, I'm sure that will help my fight against this attack. My focus has shifted, and it has become the love of law, and not the law of love. Instead of drawing closer to God in relationship, I try rather please him by my actions. An outward expression, for an inward need. It doesn't work, and I can't understand why. "I'm doing all the right things. Aren't I God? Why do you feel so far from me." It is now more about what I can do for God, and not what God has already done for me. I lose the realness of the relationship, and it's now mere discipline and habit, rather than longing and love. My words are still there, my prayers sound all proper. Yet there is no heart behind what I do and say, because it's coming from my mind and not my spirit. And what I've found in my own life, is that it can only last so long before you eventually crack, and your true colours start to show. We can't pretend forever, to be something that we're not.

It's not about how well I write, or how often I post. What I say or do. It's about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Through that alone, I become REAL in my love towards others. I encourage and uplift, because I want to, not because I feel that it's what I am supposed to do, or it's merely just the right thing to say or do. As I draw closer to Him, something from the inside starts to change. Life becomes a joy, and not a burden. Love overflows.

The entire story of the bible, is about a God reaching out to his people, and telling them how much he loves them, and wants to be apart of their lives. Over and over, he extends his hand out to us. Never ending and never failing.

The greatest love story ever told. You should totally be apart of it.

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Replacing Your First Love

“But I thought you loved me...” She fell to the floor, her heart broken from the verbal beating she'd endured. He just walked away. She was shattered. Broken. Her head felt like it was spinning out of control, down towards an endlessly black pit.

He was her world. Her love. Her life... And now all that crumbled as the echoing slam of the door reverberated off the walls of her heart. As she lay there on the floor, a pool of tears forming, reflecting a pain words couldn't come close to expressing, she heard a whisper.

A sound so soft, so smooth. The piercing pain ebbed into numbness and time seemed to slow, bend, break and stop. That whisper...

“I still do.”

Her head lifted. Expressionless eyes staring into the darkness. The dying heart in her chest fluttered as the whisper continued.

“I still love you. You replaced me, but I never replaced you. You are still my first love, you are still my Pearl of great price.

Her shaking body stilled. Her tears, once pouring, now slowly ran down her pain paled face. The hand clutching her aching heart relaxed.

“I still reach for you with a gentle passion. I still hold my hand out to you. My love for you will never waver or die. I will never leave you or forsake you. Nothing you can do will cause me to stop loving you. Let me take your pain, let me be your first love again.”

She slowly lowered her hands to her side. Palms up and closed her eyes. A whisper escaped past her trembling lips.

“Forgive me.”

As the whisper died away, the dying light in her eyes began to glow as she embraced the love of her Father once more. Never again will she replace the love of her Father with someone else. He remained her first love. He remained her life, her world, her forever.
A gentle pressure under her chin lifted her head towards the sky. Her eyes trailing the empty room regained a light deep within their depths. This was her First Love. 

~ Written by Gina Botha

Rushing Through Life

"This sunset is just amazing! I wish I had my camera to take a photo of that!"

I wish I had my camera…

How many times have I said those words…? How many beauties have I experienced with that slight annoyance of not having my camera with to take a picture of it, wanting to view it later when I "had time" to explore the details of it…? How many times have I missed out on the true picture that God has been trying to show me…?

We live in a very fast-paced society, I get that, but don't you think that sometimes we get too caught up in it and miss out on what we're actually seeing? Like, we say; "I'll set myself a reminder to look at this later because I don't have time to do it now," or, "I wish I had this to make that last longer so that when I have time, I'll check it out later." Funny how when that "later" comes, low and behold, we're "too busy"… Again.

This thought came to me today while in the car, looking at the sunset and the clouds as I, once again, uttered those words; "I wish I had my camera." I realised, I was so distracted by that thought that I looked at the same cloud over five times, each time thinking it was a new cloud. That's when it hit me. This sunset's purpose wasn't for me to take a photo of, it was just a display of God's might and power, emanating warmth and beauty, all in one powerful, impacting moment and it was there for me to enjoy, to take it in and to fall in love once again with the power of our Heavenly Father. I had to stop worrying about how "unfair" it was that I didn't have my camera and focus more on the intricate detail of the sun's rays on each rise and fall in each individual cloud, the way the dying light cast long shadows in vivid contrast to the brightly lit details of that which wasn't cast in shadow and most importantly, that I was blessed to watch this wonder unfold before my eyes.

See, life isn't about "doing it later" it's about doing it now and doing it with attention and focus. We miss out on so many things because we just want to get it done now, that is, if we can't do it later. It's like, for example, you have 20min to make lunch, but, just because you want to eat now, you make a quick peanut-butter sandwich, regardless of the fact that, if you'd only taken the time to look in the fridge, you'd have found that there were bacon bits from that morning's breakfast, along with cheese and mayo. To think, you just missed out on a bacon, cheese and mayo sandwich, just because you wanted something now… How terrible is that thought?! I cringe at that possibility, and yet, it happens. All the time. Not necessarily that you literally miss out on the deliciousness of bacon on your sandwich, but apply that hypothetically to your life and think about it. How many details of your life have you missed out on because you were too distracted by focusing on the future or by something else? Or you just wanted to get something done now that you didn't stop to look at the possibilities of something much more amazing that God has waiting for you.

So, if none of this has got you thinking, I'll try one more question; Would you rather have a photo of the sunset or the real experience, a peanut-butter sandwich or a bacon, cheese and mayo one? You choose. 

~ Written by Gina Botha

Hidden In Your Heart

When the world was young, we were innocent. We were naked and unashamed. Glorious and full of life. Convinced. As we fall to our knees, we crave the calling to our inner-self. To be rescued. Yet we give in to paralysis and deny our very nature. We go passive. We are often enchanted falling prey to the lies of the enemy. Our confidence from above, we forfeit. The emptiness, nothing seems to replace. Relational heartache, with an urge to control our vast capacity for intimacy ever filled. We try to feed, yet are guarded. Our sense of security can only be found in His strength, from His grace, into the tender beauty, that invites to life.

Are we but merely fictional characters in a web of manipulation to our hearts convictions. Beneath it all, secure in our fate. We draw attention. Timid and afraid, we try to remain safe. Withdraw in our desolation, feeling appreciated to our thirsty hearts. Will our faithless indulging draw us closer to the father, or just to another nightmare of addiction. To numb our pain.

They've entangled themselves in our souls. So cruel and relentless, these sorrows of life. Imprisoned in chains, which seperates us from the heart of our creator. A lonely prison of our own making, each chain forged in the fires of our selfish lusts for lifes' pleasures. They interwine the sacred romance in a fear of abandonment. In this dangerous and unpredictable world, our questions still remain. Taking us on a journey to the restoration and release, as we discover who we are.

We possess a beauty, so majestic, yet powerfully captivating. There's no sense of shame, as we've recovered our true state. Breathless moments in the dark, the triumph of His work. The masterpiece seems complete, awaiting the final touch. So intricate, so dazzling. Redemptive, this unbroken friendship. The essence of the most high. A name to behold, and something to be explored.

A radiance. Already there. Only hidden in your heart.

When Your Soul Hurts

Depression is something that I feel has followed me for the duration of my whole life, and I believe that it creeps up on and binds a significantly large part of the body of Christ. People are just too embarrassed to talk about it. The spirit of depression is a constant companion because more than any other state of being; depression is the one thing that keeps a person from progressing, or from doing anything at all. It keeps you stuck when nothing else can. And therein lies the danger of it, because it's very hard to get out of too. Sometimes I feel like saying to my fellows in depression that they're not alone, cos I think that it's hit all of us in a very real way at some point in time.

A lot of the times, the sad feelings stem from something that I like to call INSECURITY, which is also something that I happen to be an expert on, since I've had so many in my life. Most insecurity, and particularly spirirtual insecurity comes especially from comparing ourselves to others, which many times we do as we sit amongst the congregation. I know, because I used to do that all the time. It's natural for us to do that because inside us we really want to please God, and we see everyone else doing something, and when we don't do the spiritual things that they do, then we feel like a failure. Spiritual attack right there.

Then as soon as we go with one depressing thought, our whole world comes crashing down. But you gotta realise this...first of all, GOD LOVES AND ACCEPTS YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS, not because you do or don't do stuff for him. Secondly, God takes you as you are - it's like this epic quote that I heard once - "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called". You have a massive calling upon your life that God will equip you for, if you are up to the challenge - because you're not gonna get there by just sitting around. There was a time in my life not so long ago where I was absolutely crushed because I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but I kept failing, and my attempts didn't yield the fruit that I was looking for, which was more intimacy with God. I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I kept hearing: that understanding, wisdom and a Christ-like life doesn't and cannot happen outside of your relationship with God. A friend of mine told me the other day,that sometimes it's not about trying, it's just about sitting and enjoying God. I was like, damn. That's so incredibly true. In running around trying to know what God's will is for us, we miss getting to KNOW GOD. Sometimes we're too hard on ourselves, because as  humans we are indeed human, and are bound to mess up and make mistakes. Failure only sets in when you give up on picking yourself up and carrying on.

I've started going through the bible in the mornings with commentary and stuff (I'm really slow but that's ok i think), and I'm still busy with the beginning of Genesis. Yesterday, I noticed that our introduction to satan; the first words to come out of his mouth were "Did God really say that?" - primarily, satan causes us to doubt and to question the word of God, which is also what he did when tempting Jesus. We gotta battle with the belt of truth, which is the bible, so that we can know what God's truth is for us. You are IMMENSELY loved, and have a special purpose, and are not a failure. I just think satan is trying to get you down because you're gonna become a dangerous adversary to him as a soldier for Christ. I also just think that we need to calm down and start enjoying God. Cos I really believe that he enjoys us.

~ Written by Anonymous

Dear Compassion, And A Gentle Reply

Dear Compassion,

You unnerve me, disarm me. You leave me feeling weak when all I want to be is strong. You make me feel like I’m standing in the eye of the storm wanting to reach out and get ripped up in the chaos just so I’d be a little closer to the mess I hope to be able to fix.

I dislike how you creep up unsuspecting and tread too heavily on my eyelids squeezing out what my mouth cannot yet speak. I like to be prepared for things – I operate as a forward thinker, with initiative and attentiveness, but you never give me time to plan in advance. You’re always just suddenly there. You run deeply and believe me, as much as I’ve tried to uproot you, I can’t get your claws to release their grip.

Cynicism and complacency are much easier to deal with; they’re distant, uninvolved and clean. You are messy. I’ll even have cheekiness and cheesy moments over you (and that’s saying a lot because I hate anything corny). I don’t know how to manage you. Can you be managed?

How is it that you can make me hurt so much for a stranger I’ve never even crossed paths with before? How is it that you can make me feel the pain of a person I barely know with aching intensity like their pain were my own? How is it that you can make me understand what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes when I’ve never seen their face?

I dislike how you can make my heart crumple with this feeling of… I’m not even sure what to call it! I’m overwhelmed (and I’m not just saying) by the bigness of these things I feel. I can be jamming along to the crappiest Alanis Morisette song and bam! there you are. Will you ever go? Days like today I wish you’d bug someone else and leave me to be self-absorbed and comfortable. Days like today I wish you’d leave my heart intact, unbruised by empathy. Days like today I wish you’d never come at all.

Yours in pieces,

Shae

●●●

Dear Shae

I am not here to keep you comfortable; I am here to remind you of Christ. My first priority is not to facilitate your complacency, but rather to stir within you something of the heart

of God for broken people.

I do not apologise for how much I cause you to feel hurt or how much I interrupt your day or how much I make you unsettled. I do not expect you to always fully understand me, but I do expect you to let me in. I am unwavering in love. I stem from the core of Christ’s heart – for both the saved and the lost; both are broken. I will not quit. I will not leave. I will not accommodate your self-pity when there are souls decaying faster than you can say “help me”.

Messy, is how I operate; stop complaining. Allow yourself to feel. Jesus’ heart broke for each person He encountered; His desire is that yours would too. (Heads up: if you’re driving and can’t stop crying, pull over.) This is how I operate:

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy…”

If you will only open your hands to hold something of the promise God has for you. If you will only open your heart to hold something of the ache that Creator God feels for His creation. If you will only open your eyes to behold something of the beautiful hope I give. If you will only let me show you.

I’m complex. I have many faces. I am not limited to time, place or space. I am furious. I am consuming. I am contagious. I do not relent.

I pray you’d see what I see on days like today. I pray you’d feel what I feel on days like today. I do not creep up to cripple you; I creep up to make sure I envelop and encompass you before you get defensive (especially on days like today). I pray you’d know more of Christ as I flood every fibre of your being. Let me in, child; let me in.

Yours in passionate pursuit,

Compassion

●●●

~ Written By Shae Leigh Bloem

* You can find more awesome, God inspired posts on her blog, at http://havemyword.wordpress.com/

Captivating

With the marriage of confusion, abundant with change.

Convenience left out, all trying to arrange.

Belief against our shame, biting at what we feel.

If nothing is different, then tell me that it's real.

Deepest doubt, it's me, I'm hiding in depression,

with something inside, no exposure, no expression.

Awaken my heart to the ache of a broken world. The rescue.

More than just some words, more than just, a bless you.

Captivating the soul, while unveiling the mystery,

the wellsprings of life, our beautiful history.

Look inside my soul, and hear the sound of laughter,

the joy of the Lord resides there, always and ever-after.

~by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Can You Drink The Cup?

I was a bit reluctant to post this note, because it's quite personal, but I really wanted to share it. I hope you can find a blessing in this!

Mat 20:21-22 (GNB) "What do you want?" Jesus asked her. She answered, "Promise me that these two sons of mine will sit at your right and your left when you are King." "You don't know what you are asking for," Jesus answered the sons. "Can you drink the cup of suffering that I am about to drink?" "We can," they answered.

We are so arrogant sometimes, I know I am. Many years ago I came to God telling Him that I wanted to follow Him and work for Him and now, looking back, I can almost see Him saying, “Please! This isn't a game! You don't have a friggen clue what you're asking!”

What comes to mind when you think about walking with God? Do you think about all those sermons you've heard from preachers in shiny suits telling you that the heavens will open and Gods blessing will rain down upon you? Well, let me tell you something, there's nothing glamorous about faith! Faith takes work, it takes sacrifice, it is often a life of pain and disappointment! Is it worth it in the end? Well, I don't know, because I'm still waiting to see, but I'm being humbled very quickly and learning that God isn't there for our own power trip!

Excuse me if I seem cynical, but let me explain: Within a year I have lost so much. Firstly my best friend and mentor, Adrian died in a motorcycle accident and then a few months later my wife left me and now it's like God is saying, “Ja, and now? Do you still want to walk with me?” So, don't come and tell me that all you have to do is pray and have faith and then everything will happen exactly as you want it to, because don't you think that I was on my knees many nights, scraping every bit of faith I had together, crying and begging God to bring her back to me? Well, I was and I quickly learned that God isn't a genie in a lamp waiting to grant our every wish! This is God's game and if you wanna play it, then you play it His way! If you really want the glory of God in your life then you better be ready to make some serious sacrifices my friend! It's like Jesus said: “If any of you want to come with me, you must forget yourself, carry your cross, and follow me.” (Matt 16:24 GNB)

The other day I got a new tattoo. It's an eagle and it has a lot of meaning for me. I remember Adrian talking about eagles a lot, especially on one of our annual camps aptly named Eagles Wings and I was always fascinated by eagles. When an eagle gets to about 40 years old, it's talons can no longer grab prey, it's beak becomes bent and it's wings becomes too heavy because of the old and damaged feathers. So, the eagle will go to a mountain top and start banging it's beak against a rock until it plucks it out. Then it will wait for a new beak to grow back and then it will pluck out it's talons. Then after the talons grow back it will start plucking out it's feathers and then the eagle will lie there naked and vulnerable until the feathers grow back. This whole process takes about 150 days, but when it is over the eagle will rise and take flight as a brand new eagle and then it will live for 30 more years! It is this process that inspires the famous verse in Isaiah: “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isa 40:31 NKJV)

So, of course, in my ignorance I've always thought, that's so cool and one day I'm going to get a tattoo of an eagle! But now when I think about it, there's nothing cool about it! It's not glamorous! The poor eagle!! You see, we are so quick to arrogantly say, “oh, those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength and rise with wings like eagles” and then we sing that song, but do we have any idea what it takes to rise on wings as eagles!? Only now am I starting to realise what it means to really wait on the Lord while he plucks out your old feathers and leaves you naked and alone! Only now do I realise that God isn't there for my comfort, He has a cup that I must drink and if I'm serious about following Him then I better drink it!

I'm not trying to puff myself up, like I'm this brave and strong person, because I'm not! Most of the time I don't feel like this, most of the time there's anger, frustration, guilt, regret, doubt, fear etc. but then other times at least I get one thing right, I draw near to God in my desperation and this is the stuff He reveals to me. He teaches me what it means to follow Him. Yes, He is absolutely the God who gives, but He is also the God who takes away! And we have to love Him as both. Me and my ex-wife's relationship is too complex to explain, but I know now that neither of us could become the people that God wanted us to be if we had stayed together and that's a hard pill for me to swallow or should I say, a hard cup for me to drink.

I believe that the number one reason why people fail in their spiritual walk is because they don't allow God to change their hearts. Change is too painful, so people rather just stay as they are. God is the potter and we are the clay, in order for the Potter to make something beautiful out of the clay, He has to knead it, form it and then bake it in a hot oven and most people are just too quick to chicken out the moment things get a bit hot and uncomfortable! So, when God leads us to a mountain top to go through a painful process of renewal, then we might think twice about going through with it, but don't worry even Jesus did! Just before they came to arrest Him He prayed: “My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me!”(Mat 26:39 GNB), but then He still had the courage to say: “Yet not what I want, but what you want.”

~ Written by Anonymous

The Touch

Unexplainable eruption of emotions, happiness, sadness colliding.

Confusing, intriguing, adventurous thoughts gliding.
Fires, waters, growing – falling... inside they're forming.
Loving kindness, joyous peace, feelings are storming.
Soft and sweet, unexpected, spontaneous, this is crazy.
Dreams come true, sometimes some do, I'm fazing.
Weak inside, walls they fall, connection of my soul.
Fight back, it's too late, already I've lost, story told.
Experience, off the chart, out of this world, TOO MUCH...
All because of...
... ONE SIMPLE TOUCH.

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

The High Chair

So often I fall into the clutches of self-righteousness. Where I elevate myself above my fellow brother and sister. I look at their sin with condemnation, with a feeling of pity and with no understanding. What I see is only on the surface, yet i comment as if I know there thoughts and motives. I seem to be very quick to forget, that it was not long ago that I was living in sin, doing one bad thing after the other. Leaving a massive trail of destruction behind me. How did I feel, when those around me would catapult their hurtful opinions towards me?

Was I not shown grace and mercy by God? Am I not still alive today through divine intervention? When God stepped in and broke the plans that the enemy had for me, plans of pain and hurt. It was by the Lords hand alone that I am able to testify today, to stand and continue to walk and overcome the trials placed in front of me.

'If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself.'

                                                                                            Galatians 6:3

There's always so much more that meets the eye, so much that we cannot see or understand. Why am I so eager to look at my neighbours faults, and maybe only touch lightly on my own. There were moments in my yesterday, where I saw little to no hope. All I could see was the right here and now. There even came times where I wanted to take my own life, because I couldn't imagine anything better. Now here I am, wanting to sit on my high chair and look down on others! Who am I to pass judgement. Who am I to cast stones at others! Is my past clean? Is it perfect?

I didn't think so!

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

My Inspiration

My inspiration to write is a product of your presence,

Exchanging conversations, learning life lessons.

The calm hypnotic way, in which you get under my skin,

footprints over my heart, the places where you've been.
The colour of your grace flows through my entire,

Lighter shade of life, this is my soul on fire.

Truth be spoken,

words be broken,

my heart has awoken!

Come loose from the chains that once held strong,

Create in me a new life, causing my life to sing a new song.

Imagination of a place, the perfect strokes from a painters brush,

It's a symphony, chords meet notes, no phrase as too much.

Your touch, it drips over me.

Your voice, it dissolves me.

And after it all, what is left behind,

is my heart.. which beats for you...

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Be still

Be still... And know... That He is God.

Things which come easily, are seldom appreciated... Or not.

Dignity that comes from accomplishment... Our State.

Protector of the sacred, our fundamentals of faith.

His positive influence, securing our salvation.

Touching human emotion, enduring our elevation.

Never become discouraged, 

should the Lord choose to scold you.

Whether through discipline or grace, 

allow Him to mould you.

I pray that God shall relieve, 

your pressures and your pain.

Building in you authentic character, 

your measures and your gain.

In the world, you shall have tribulation.

But take heart... He has overcome the world.

Says the author of our creation.

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

A Slice Of Encouragement Pizza

- The battle for good to win is never easy -

I was going through an old journal when I came across those words. Which, asper usual, got me to thinking. I can only ever write from personal experienceand as of late I've become aware of just how much I don't know about manythings; most of all being a Christian. In fact, I would consider myself quite a failat being an ambassador for Christ. Praise God for his abundant grace.

So in my knowing what I don't know, I am lucky to be privy to learning amultitude of things. And one of the things that I had a mini-epiphany aboutlately was that conflict and struggle in our lives is the medium through whichwe grow and mature as people and as spiritual beings. For a very long time, I'dalways tried my best to avoid uncomfortable situations and escape fromconflict, unknowingly keeping myself in the same place instead ofprogressing. I've found it everywhere in my life – I generally prefer to backdown for the sake of keeping the so-called peace. Now, I'm not saying thatbeing peaceful and all is bad, but when you're faced with an unavoidableconflict in life, I say RISE to the occasion and stick it to the man, because you'llprobably come out a better person on the other side. Easier said than done, Iknow, but a reminder that the battle for good, for progress, for growth to winis never easy. Just a short word of encouragement for today :)

Hugs people

“Moreover [let us also be full of joy now] let us exult andtriumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings,knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship producepatient and unswerving endurance” - Romans 5:3(Amplified)

~ Written By Veronica Christou

Ask For Guidance

This therapeutic situation seems emotionally engaged,

like a heartfelt dramatization, reminiscent of our own rage.

The right vocabulary, with a dream like condition

disrupting conscious choices, a hidden contradiction.

Crippled boundaries, artificial confidence, it's useless,

conceptualization disrupted, thoughts become clueless.

Challenges, underground eruptions causing blackness,

unwanted solutions being concluded, this is madness.

The need to equip my mind, knowledge is my army,

trials that i face, possibilities taken from me.

I've got a war to fight, causing me anxiety,

though i look to others for answers, they all lie inside of me.

With distorted vision, i never seem to notice,

solutions written clearly, figuring out who wrote this.

Ask for guidance from the mighty Lord on high,

the answers to my questions, I know he won't deny.

~ Written By Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Lighting The Fire

One recent Friday night, I went out with a group of friends for a "ladies night out".Those who know me well will know that I'm not a late-night party girl. I can count on one hand the number of times I've been clubbing, and for the most part, I'd rather be at home, curled up next to my husband reading a book or writing a blog. Nevertheless, ladies night was most enjoyable, and we had fun. 

On the Saturday morning after Ladies Night, having downed a strong cup of coffee, I had the pleasure of meeting up with someone to discuss a combination of future plans: a concoction of entrepreneurship, ministry, charities, initiatives, business... We talked for hours about what seemed like endless opportunities to reach the world, and I was astounded by the ideas and inspirations that was just pouring out of this person. I couldn’t help but walk away from this meeting with my head swimming in renewed passion for the dreams that God places in His childrens’ hearts, and had to spend that Sunday recovering from it all. And so it was, that I was struck by the enormous contrast between that Friday night and that Saturday.

Friday night was a night of self-indulgence, self-satisfaction, making ourselves feel happy with dancing and laughter. This self-indulgence was... well, just fun. But it left no lasting impression on my soul, no desire to change the world, and it rendered me more than a little bit tired the next day.

Now, I’m not saying that there's no time in life for fun – there definitely should be. But Saturday… Wow, Saturday lit a fire in my soul. I felt so uplifted, inspired, and hungry for more of that. Hungry to spend more time in the presence of people who share this love, this passion, this desperate desire to seek God and His Kingdom.  I felt as though I had been to the most anointed fellowship service, the kind that leaves a permanent mark on your heart. It made me feel alive.

What is this blaze inside me, that when it’s fueled, it threatens to all but consume me?

A fire for the lost.

For the broken and desperate.

For the sick.

And a fire for even those who seem to have it all together, yet deep down, they too wrestle with their own inner demons of discouragement and weariness.

How can I possibly live my life and ignore this burning?

  

Jeremiah 20:9 

But if I say, “I will not mention his word, or speak anymore in his name,” His word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

My pastor recently shared the parable that Jesus tells of 10 virgins with oil lamps. (Matthew 25). In those days, the virgins were like the "bridesmaids". They were to help the bride prepare herself for marriage, and would also watch for the Groom's arrival. In this parable, it is said that the Groom was "a long time in coming" - he was delayed. And so the virgins lit their lamps, and waited for him. 

Inevitably, they fell asleep, and in verse 7, when a cry rang out that the Groom was nearby, we are told that "all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps." 

There is so much more that can be said from this parable, but in essence, I feel like I am waking up from a deep slumber. I'm a bit dazed and confused. I don't really know where the Groom is coming from, or where He wants me to be. I only know that He is coming for His Bride - and He wants me to help prepare Her for Him. What a humbling realization. In my heart, I am searching for kindred spirits who are also awakening to the Groom's call on their lives, people like me who long to serve Him. 

That Saturday that I spent in the presence of a fellow visionary, was like a voice ringing in my soul: He is coming! I must rub the sleep from my eyes, and light my lamp. Look for Him, seek His face, and receive His guidance. I don't know where we are going, and if I must be honest, that's an intimidating thought. 

But I have decided to go with Him. 

Will you? Will you allow the flame of God's love for His bride to ignite your insides, and burn so bright and so hot that you can't sleep anymore? 

I thought it fit to share this rocking-awesome track that kinda hit me between the eyes the other day. The words are so fitting, from start to finish, but one part really stands out: 

Come, spark the parts in me that all but died,

Jumpstart my heart, and wake the sleeper inside.

And here is the song for all you rockers out there, hope it inspires you. 

Ignition - by tobyMac

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hQU1K6j7lDE&feature=watch_response

-Kirsty Coetzee

The Residue Of Truth

Life. A combination of calamities,

so beautifully complex, in it's ideals just for you.

Entertaining tragedy, as we strive to stay true.

We face such grace in the simplicity of our question,

to honour our point of view, a godly dimension.

Serenity of mind brings out the deepest roots,

snatching at the grave, my personal search for truth,

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation.

Psalm forty three verse one, following in Jesus footsteps, receiving his salvation.

My ability to write, is a gift from the above,

a riot of words... All covered up in love.

It's not who I am, it's what He does through me,

the resource of expression, the rush of life to me.

The residue of truth, my serenity of mind,

who am I to argue, the creation of his kind.

It's in my hands to choose, what I'm going to become,

a creature of circumstance, or a declaration to his son.

~ Written By Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Wake Up Call

I was struck with quite the wake-up call recently. I read one of my friends' post that she put up on her page, and upon reading it, I was overcome with a massive feeling of inspiration from what she had wrote. What struck me most about her writing was the honesty that could be found in her words, the raw truth with nothing to hide. Completely placing herself right there along side her words, unashamed and vulnerable for all who read to make of it as they wish. I saw something in her writing that I've been feeling had been missing in mine, a full immersion of self, with no holding onto any safety nets. Just raw genuine realness!

I had to take this a bit further, and ask myself the question, 'Is this the way that I live my life?' since my writing is my words, and my words come from my heart, therefore, what my heart is full of, it is! This made me realize that I've been playing it safe in my day-to-day walk regarding my faith and interaction with the world. Taking it easy, just a little bit here, some sacrifice there, nothing too much out of my comfort-zone, my personal bubble of protection. I recently came across a verse in the bible showing us what happened when Jesus calls his to-be disciples, and speaks of how they responded;

“At once they left their nets and followed him.”

Mathew 4:20

They didn't first need to think about it, nor did they first go and put their nets away, they just left what they were doing and followed. What I understand, is that fishing was these guys income, not to mention their life. Yet they didn't hesitate to just leave that all behind and respond to the call of Jesus. Too often have I postponed my action to follow, tried to first think it through, and make excuses.

I've been holding onto my net for some time now, my securities and comforts. Too afraid to fully put myself out there. Unable to leave my net behind, for fear of what people might think, their opinions and their comments. The time has now come to let it go, and respond to the call of Jesus, fully and wholeheartedly. Enough is the hour, where I just give some. I want to give it all, I want to hold nothing back, I want to be on fire once again for my Lord and saviour! To be able to dance with my father in heaven, as I'm so sure that he's waiting to dance with me, and can't if I'm still half sitting down in the comfort of my own chair.

~ Written By Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Doubt

There have been things that I've been encountering these past few weeks that have caused me to doubt or at least question my beliefs. Mostly encounters with vehement non-believers, as well as an article that I read entitled "God - hero to zero in 6000 years". It was so mean. But anyway. Being in company with people who don't share your beliefs, and furthermore who challenge them, really makes you think about and re-evaluate what you proclaim to believe. In a way, I think that that's a good thing, because it tests your faith and can consequently either strengthens it or exposes you for the phony that you are. There is no point in telling people about your faith if it doesn't stand on a solid foundation. But I'll tell you why they caused me to doubt - because what they said made so much sense! So much! I'll confess that those encounters shook my foundation.  It makes me wonder if I really know what I believe in and why I believe in it.

You gotta know what you believe in otherwise you'll get torn apart!

I've often prayed very hard for other people in my lifes' faith to be solid, to be built on the foundation of rock...talk about not seeing the plank in your own eye. A humbling experience right there. Thank you God for pointing out one of the areas in which I need to humble myself. But getting back to what I wanted to say: often the way that many people (including the church sometimes) put it across is that you should never doubt, never question God's authority or his Word. As in, shame on you, how dare you doubt God?

And the result of that doctrine is of course, undoubtedly, shame. Maybe a little bit of rejection there too. 'Cause how come other people don't struggle with doubt and I do? For a long time I used to feel so ashamed and unworthy because some things confused me and my faith was a million times smaller than a mustard seed. No ways o! I'll say it again, and this is what I feel strongly to be a part of my ministry - WE ARE BROKEN PEOPLE. We are God's broken people. And I don't think that God wants you to pretend that you don't have doubts just because you're not supposed to. That's fake AND hypocritical.

The pastor at the church I attend based one of his messages around this phrase: "God doesn't want performers, he wants SONS." I love that because it just reminds me of grace yet again, how God loves us because we are his, not because of what we do (or don't do) for him. Having said all of that, I still have doubt. I read somewhere once though that God can handle your doubts. Totes man! He'd rather that you have faith in Him instead of faith in your faith. I think the thing for me to do here is to keeping seeking. Seek and you shall find. Keep on keeping on. God IS real. I see it in the testimony's of others. If Jesus wasn't/isn't real, then why do I feel gladness and peace when I (attempt to) draw nearer to Him? Why does my soul get excited at the thought of fellowship? Why do I feel refreshed when I DO fellowship? I mean, come on. Such a lightness that you have never felt in your life.

I can't PROVE to you that Jesus exists, I don't think that's the point though. But I'll tell you that when I saw the joy and peace that the Christians in my life had, I was like: "I want me some of that".

Shut Up Little Voice, I'm Human!

Psalm 32v10: He that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him…

At this point in my life, there are some things that hurt. Some things that I can’t make happen by myself, and things that I have no choice but to trust the Almighty with. And I do, I really do. I’m not obsessing over these things, and I’m doing my utmost with the wonderful life that I have before me right now.

But I can’t help it if sometimes life gets me down. I’m feeling low this morning. I’m all too aware today of the things I can’t control, things that I’m praying for breakthrough on, things that I know only God Himself can do. My breakthrough isn’t here yet, and I keep hoping it will be soon. I just keep hoping, trusting. Still, my heart is sad.

Why is it then that I have this mean little voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m never going to succeed, because I’m not trusting the Lord. Telling me that I should be displaying my trust in a show of continual happiness and peace. If I were truly placing my trust in the Lord, I would not be feeling this way, right?

I’m not happy right at this moment!

And there are things that I don’t have peace about within my heart!

But I DO trust my Father to care for me. You stupid little voice, how dare you tell me how to feel!?

Man I am so tired of feeling bad for not fitting the mould. I’m breaking free of this. I’m going to have bad days, World, so just deal with it. Being God’s child doesn’t make me impermeable to pain, it doesn’t make me a doormat to be walked over, and it doesn’t give me a 'happy mask' to wear every day.

Jesus wept.

Jesus challenged people over things that were worth the argument.

Jesus pushed tables over, with a whip in his Hand, in an outrage over something that He was righteously indignant over. How I’d love to see His face, red with anger, eyes glittering with passion!

So if I’m not feeling 100% today, I know my Papa in heaven doesn’t mind. He knows I’m human, and that I can’t see the bigger picture, and He understands that it’s frustrating to wait around, blindfolded about the future and hurting about the present.

He’s more Gracious than you, little voice, so take your guilt trip somewhere else.

~By Kirsty Coetzee, 15 February 2012

Outreach

A group of leaders from wealthy, western churches all over the world met together for a joint mission venture to a small remote orphanage in the mountains of Lesotho. The leaders visited for a week, and during that time they spent much energy out and about, running workshops for local pastors, teaching the way that their churches operated, and why they had so many resources to share. They also spent time playing with the children. They joined in the games with the small children, playing hop scotch in the sand. They sat and read to the older girls who needed help with English lessons for school. They played soccer with the older boys, on a field that was full of holes and on the side of a mountain. On the last day their helicopter arrived and took the church leaders back to civilisation, leaving the orphanage and all of the children behind.

The day after, they were asked to give feedback from the visit. ‘It was sad to see how empty and sad their eyes were. It was like they just needed to feel God’s love, and feel His arms of acceptance. I really hope that we made a real difference during the week,’ said one of the older boys, before sitting back down at the table with the rest of his friends and siblings in his big, loving family in the mountains of Lesotho.

Written by Grant Strugnell

Sometimes We Lose, But That's Okay.

So like, I’ve arrived at that point in my spiritual walk where I’ve decided that I really want to see God more – you know; the whole taking up your cross and following Jesus thing. Because I think that it’s pretty damn awesome to get to that point where you sit and have a proper conversation with God/Jesus/Holy Spirit. Can you imagine it?? Yoh, the joy.

Thing is, once you decide to do anything for God, the forces in place will do everything they can to make sure that that doesn’t happen.

Satan will attack you with the best that he’s got – I mean, he’s been in the game for a long time and knows exactly what will crush you. He’s not afraid to play dirty. He invented it. And generally, we are inclined to agree with whatever he whispers into our minds because it would appear to be true. He starts shouting when he really gets panicked about you getting tight with God. But there’s a reason that he’s the father of lies, the ultimate deceiver.

Last week at church out of all places he was shouting at me, hitting me with all he had – using my parents, my insecurities, my doubts, my rejection-complex, and even my design ability against me; battling it out in my head. And to the enemy’s credit, I let him win that round. I lost. My flesh surrendered to lies instead of surrendering to Jesus. I allowed my joy to be stolen. And I was angry with God because of His promises to be our protector, our saviour; the one who frees us from the chains of oppression that Satan binds us with. I thought to myself, “God, WHY aren’t you protecting me from this??”

And the answer that eventually came to me the next day was, “because you aren’t letting me.”

The biggest mistake that all of us make is thinking that we can do life by ourselves. God can do the infinite and abundant if we just let him. He gave us other people too:

“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed” – James 5:16

Nobody is perfect. In fact, most of us are broken. I once watched this video where the guy said: “the church is a home for broken people, not perfect saints”. Satan will use everything that makes you broken to condemn you and bring you down, making you feel too ashamed to confess to anybody. I just want to say to everyone reading this – don’t let him. Talk about your struggles with other people, allow God to lift you out of the dirt, just don’t give up. We’re here to help each other to keep on keeping on.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, authorities and powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” – Ephesians 6:12

Here’s to rising above this flame!

~ Written By Veronica Christou