Wake Up Call

I was struck with quite the wake-up call recently. I read one of my friends' post that she put up on her page, and upon reading it, I was overcome with a massive feeling of inspiration from what she had wrote. What struck me most about her writing was the honesty that could be found in her words, the raw truth with nothing to hide. Completely placing herself right there along side her words, unashamed and vulnerable for all who read to make of it as they wish. I saw something in her writing that I've been feeling had been missing in mine, a full immersion of self, with no holding onto any safety nets. Just raw genuine realness!

I had to take this a bit further, and ask myself the question, 'Is this the way that I live my life?' since my writing is my words, and my words come from my heart, therefore, what my heart is full of, it is! This made me realize that I've been playing it safe in my day-to-day walk regarding my faith and interaction with the world. Taking it easy, just a little bit here, some sacrifice there, nothing too much out of my comfort-zone, my personal bubble of protection. I recently came across a verse in the bible showing us what happened when Jesus calls his to-be disciples, and speaks of how they responded;

“At once they left their nets and followed him.”

Mathew 4:20

They didn't first need to think about it, nor did they first go and put their nets away, they just left what they were doing and followed. What I understand, is that fishing was these guys income, not to mention their life. Yet they didn't hesitate to just leave that all behind and respond to the call of Jesus. Too often have I postponed my action to follow, tried to first think it through, and make excuses.

I've been holding onto my net for some time now, my securities and comforts. Too afraid to fully put myself out there. Unable to leave my net behind, for fear of what people might think, their opinions and their comments. The time has now come to let it go, and respond to the call of Jesus, fully and wholeheartedly. Enough is the hour, where I just give some. I want to give it all, I want to hold nothing back, I want to be on fire once again for my Lord and saviour! To be able to dance with my father in heaven, as I'm so sure that he's waiting to dance with me, and can't if I'm still half sitting down in the comfort of my own chair.

~ Written By Anastasios Konstantinopoulos

Doubt

There have been things that I've been encountering these past few weeks that have caused me to doubt or at least question my beliefs. Mostly encounters with vehement non-believers, as well as an article that I read entitled "God - hero to zero in 6000 years". It was so mean. But anyway. Being in company with people who don't share your beliefs, and furthermore who challenge them, really makes you think about and re-evaluate what you proclaim to believe. In a way, I think that that's a good thing, because it tests your faith and can consequently either strengthens it or exposes you for the phony that you are. There is no point in telling people about your faith if it doesn't stand on a solid foundation. But I'll tell you why they caused me to doubt - because what they said made so much sense! So much! I'll confess that those encounters shook my foundation.  It makes me wonder if I really know what I believe in and why I believe in it.

You gotta know what you believe in otherwise you'll get torn apart!

I've often prayed very hard for other people in my lifes' faith to be solid, to be built on the foundation of rock...talk about not seeing the plank in your own eye. A humbling experience right there. Thank you God for pointing out one of the areas in which I need to humble myself. But getting back to what I wanted to say: often the way that many people (including the church sometimes) put it across is that you should never doubt, never question God's authority or his Word. As in, shame on you, how dare you doubt God?

And the result of that doctrine is of course, undoubtedly, shame. Maybe a little bit of rejection there too. 'Cause how come other people don't struggle with doubt and I do? For a long time I used to feel so ashamed and unworthy because some things confused me and my faith was a million times smaller than a mustard seed. No ways o! I'll say it again, and this is what I feel strongly to be a part of my ministry - WE ARE BROKEN PEOPLE. We are God's broken people. And I don't think that God wants you to pretend that you don't have doubts just because you're not supposed to. That's fake AND hypocritical.

The pastor at the church I attend based one of his messages around this phrase: "God doesn't want performers, he wants SONS." I love that because it just reminds me of grace yet again, how God loves us because we are his, not because of what we do (or don't do) for him. Having said all of that, I still have doubt. I read somewhere once though that God can handle your doubts. Totes man! He'd rather that you have faith in Him instead of faith in your faith. I think the thing for me to do here is to keeping seeking. Seek and you shall find. Keep on keeping on. God IS real. I see it in the testimony's of others. If Jesus wasn't/isn't real, then why do I feel gladness and peace when I (attempt to) draw nearer to Him? Why does my soul get excited at the thought of fellowship? Why do I feel refreshed when I DO fellowship? I mean, come on. Such a lightness that you have never felt in your life.

I can't PROVE to you that Jesus exists, I don't think that's the point though. But I'll tell you that when I saw the joy and peace that the Christians in my life had, I was like: "I want me some of that".

Shut Up Little Voice, I'm Human!

Psalm 32v10: He that trusts in the Lord, mercy shall surround him…

At this point in my life, there are some things that hurt. Some things that I can’t make happen by myself, and things that I have no choice but to trust the Almighty with. And I do, I really do. I’m not obsessing over these things, and I’m doing my utmost with the wonderful life that I have before me right now.

But I can’t help it if sometimes life gets me down. I’m feeling low this morning. I’m all too aware today of the things I can’t control, things that I’m praying for breakthrough on, things that I know only God Himself can do. My breakthrough isn’t here yet, and I keep hoping it will be soon. I just keep hoping, trusting. Still, my heart is sad.

Why is it then that I have this mean little voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m never going to succeed, because I’m not trusting the Lord. Telling me that I should be displaying my trust in a show of continual happiness and peace. If I were truly placing my trust in the Lord, I would not be feeling this way, right?

I’m not happy right at this moment!

And there are things that I don’t have peace about within my heart!

But I DO trust my Father to care for me. You stupid little voice, how dare you tell me how to feel!?

Man I am so tired of feeling bad for not fitting the mould. I’m breaking free of this. I’m going to have bad days, World, so just deal with it. Being God’s child doesn’t make me impermeable to pain, it doesn’t make me a doormat to be walked over, and it doesn’t give me a 'happy mask' to wear every day.

Jesus wept.

Jesus challenged people over things that were worth the argument.

Jesus pushed tables over, with a whip in his Hand, in an outrage over something that He was righteously indignant over. How I’d love to see His face, red with anger, eyes glittering with passion!

So if I’m not feeling 100% today, I know my Papa in heaven doesn’t mind. He knows I’m human, and that I can’t see the bigger picture, and He understands that it’s frustrating to wait around, blindfolded about the future and hurting about the present.

He’s more Gracious than you, little voice, so take your guilt trip somewhere else.

~By Kirsty Coetzee, 15 February 2012