Doubt

There have been things that I've been encountering these past few weeks that have caused me to doubt or at least question my beliefs. Mostly encounters with vehement non-believers, as well as an article that I read entitled "God - hero to zero in 6000 years". It was so mean. But anyway. Being in company with people who don't share your beliefs, and furthermore who challenge them, really makes you think about and re-evaluate what you proclaim to believe. In a way, I think that that's a good thing, because it tests your faith and can consequently either strengthens it or exposes you for the phony that you are. There is no point in telling people about your faith if it doesn't stand on a solid foundation. But I'll tell you why they caused me to doubt - because what they said made so much sense! So much! I'll confess that those encounters shook my foundation.  It makes me wonder if I really know what I believe in and why I believe in it.

You gotta know what you believe in otherwise you'll get torn apart!

I've often prayed very hard for other people in my lifes' faith to be solid, to be built on the foundation of rock...talk about not seeing the plank in your own eye. A humbling experience right there. Thank you God for pointing out one of the areas in which I need to humble myself. But getting back to what I wanted to say: often the way that many people (including the church sometimes) put it across is that you should never doubt, never question God's authority or his Word. As in, shame on you, how dare you doubt God?

And the result of that doctrine is of course, undoubtedly, shame. Maybe a little bit of rejection there too. 'Cause how come other people don't struggle with doubt and I do? For a long time I used to feel so ashamed and unworthy because some things confused me and my faith was a million times smaller than a mustard seed. No ways o! I'll say it again, and this is what I feel strongly to be a part of my ministry - WE ARE BROKEN PEOPLE. We are God's broken people. And I don't think that God wants you to pretend that you don't have doubts just because you're not supposed to. That's fake AND hypocritical.

The pastor at the church I attend based one of his messages around this phrase: "God doesn't want performers, he wants SONS." I love that because it just reminds me of grace yet again, how God loves us because we are his, not because of what we do (or don't do) for him. Having said all of that, I still have doubt. I read somewhere once though that God can handle your doubts. Totes man! He'd rather that you have faith in Him instead of faith in your faith. I think the thing for me to do here is to keeping seeking. Seek and you shall find. Keep on keeping on. God IS real. I see it in the testimony's of others. If Jesus wasn't/isn't real, then why do I feel gladness and peace when I (attempt to) draw nearer to Him? Why does my soul get excited at the thought of fellowship? Why do I feel refreshed when I DO fellowship? I mean, come on. Such a lightness that you have never felt in your life.

I can't PROVE to you that Jesus exists, I don't think that's the point though. But I'll tell you that when I saw the joy and peace that the Christians in my life had, I was like: "I want me some of that".