You unnerve me, disarm me. You leave me feeling weak when all I want to be is strong. You make me feel like I’m standing in the eye of the storm wanting to reach out and get ripped up in the chaos just so I’d be a little closer to the mess I hope to be able to fix.
I dislike how you creep up unsuspecting and tread too heavily on my eyelids squeezing out what my mouth cannot yet speak. I like to be prepared for things – I operate as a forward thinker, with initiative and attentiveness, but you never give me time to plan in advance. You’re always just suddenly there. You run deeply and believe me, as much as I’ve tried to uproot you, I can’t get your claws to release their grip.
Cynicism and complacency are much easier to deal with; they’re distant, uninvolved and clean. You are messy. I’ll even have cheekiness and cheesy moments over you (and that’s saying a lot because I hate anything corny). I don’t know how to manage you. Can you be managed?
How is it that you can make me hurt so much for a stranger I’ve never even crossed paths with before? How is it that you can make me feel the pain of a person I barely know with aching intensity like their pain were my own? How is it that you can make me understand what it’s like to walk in another’s shoes when I’ve never seen their face?
I dislike how you can make my heart crumple with this feeling of… I’m not even sure what to call it! I’m overwhelmed (and I’m not just saying) by the bigness of these things I feel. I can be jamming along to the crappiest Alanis Morisette song and bam! there you are. Will you ever go? Days like today I wish you’d bug someone else and leave me to be self-absorbed and comfortable. Days like today I wish you’d leave my heart intact, unbruised by empathy. Days like today I wish you’d never come at all.
Yours in pieces,
Shae
●●●
Dear Shae
I am not here to keep you comfortable; I am here to remind you of Christ. My first priority is not to facilitate your complacency, but rather to stir within you something of the heart
of God for broken people.
I do not apologise for how much I cause you to feel hurt or how much I interrupt your day or how much I make you unsettled. I do not expect you to always fully understand me, but I do expect you to let me in. I am unwavering in love. I stem from the core of Christ’s heart – for both the saved and the lost; both are broken. I will not quit. I will not leave. I will not accommodate your self-pity when there are souls decaying faster than you can say “help me”.
Messy, is how I operate; stop complaining. Allow yourself to feel. Jesus’ heart broke for each person He encountered; His desire is that yours would too. (Heads up: if you’re driving and can’t stop crying, pull over.) This is how I operate:
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
“You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy…”
If you will only open your hands to hold something of the promise God has for you. If you will only open your heart to hold something of the ache that Creator God feels for His creation. If you will only open your eyes to behold something of the beautiful hope I give. If you will only let me show you.
I’m complex. I have many faces. I am not limited to time, place or space. I am furious. I am consuming. I am contagious. I do not relent.
I pray you’d see what I see on days like today. I pray you’d feel what I feel on days like today. I do not creep up to cripple you; I creep up to make sure I envelop and encompass you before you get defensive (especially on days like today). I pray you’d know more of Christ as I flood every fibre of your being. Let me in, child; let me in.
Yours in passionate pursuit,
Compassion
●●●
~ Written By Shae Leigh Bloem
* You can find more awesome, God inspired posts on her blog, at http://havemyword.wordpress.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment