When Your Soul Hurts

Depression is something that I feel has followed me for the duration of my whole life, and I believe that it creeps up on and binds a significantly large part of the body of Christ. People are just too embarrassed to talk about it. The spirit of depression is a constant companion because more than any other state of being; depression is the one thing that keeps a person from progressing, or from doing anything at all. It keeps you stuck when nothing else can. And therein lies the danger of it, because it's very hard to get out of too. Sometimes I feel like saying to my fellows in depression that they're not alone, cos I think that it's hit all of us in a very real way at some point in time.

A lot of the times, the sad feelings stem from something that I like to call INSECURITY, which is also something that I happen to be an expert on, since I've had so many in my life. Most insecurity, and particularly spirirtual insecurity comes especially from comparing ourselves to others, which many times we do as we sit amongst the congregation. I know, because I used to do that all the time. It's natural for us to do that because inside us we really want to please God, and we see everyone else doing something, and when we don't do the spiritual things that they do, then we feel like a failure. Spiritual attack right there.

Then as soon as we go with one depressing thought, our whole world comes crashing down. But you gotta realise this...first of all, GOD LOVES AND ACCEPTS YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE HIS, not because you do or don't do stuff for him. Secondly, God takes you as you are - it's like this epic quote that I heard once - "God doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the called". You have a massive calling upon your life that God will equip you for, if you are up to the challenge - because you're not gonna get there by just sitting around. There was a time in my life not so long ago where I was absolutely crushed because I was trying so hard to do the right thing, but I kept failing, and my attempts didn't yield the fruit that I was looking for, which was more intimacy with God. I'm gonna tell you the same thing that I kept hearing: that understanding, wisdom and a Christ-like life doesn't and cannot happen outside of your relationship with God. A friend of mine told me the other day,that sometimes it's not about trying, it's just about sitting and enjoying God. I was like, damn. That's so incredibly true. In running around trying to know what God's will is for us, we miss getting to KNOW GOD. Sometimes we're too hard on ourselves, because as  humans we are indeed human, and are bound to mess up and make mistakes. Failure only sets in when you give up on picking yourself up and carrying on.

I've started going through the bible in the mornings with commentary and stuff (I'm really slow but that's ok i think), and I'm still busy with the beginning of Genesis. Yesterday, I noticed that our introduction to satan; the first words to come out of his mouth were "Did God really say that?" - primarily, satan causes us to doubt and to question the word of God, which is also what he did when tempting Jesus. We gotta battle with the belt of truth, which is the bible, so that we can know what God's truth is for us. You are IMMENSELY loved, and have a special purpose, and are not a failure. I just think satan is trying to get you down because you're gonna become a dangerous adversary to him as a soldier for Christ. I also just think that we need to calm down and start enjoying God. Cos I really believe that he enjoys us.

~ Written by Anonymous