It's Not About Me

I've been stuggling alot lately, with the spirit of depression hanging over me. It knocks at my mind, biting at my thoughts, and tearing at my soul. My immediate reaction to try and rid myself of this feeling is, I must try and do more for God. Maybe if I post a status on facebook today about, 'how good God is,' I might feel better. Or let me just go do some good deeds, I'm sure that will help my fight against this attack. My focus has shifted, and it has become the love of law, and not the law of love. Instead of drawing closer to God in relationship, I try rather please him by my actions. An outward expression, for an inward need. It doesn't work, and I can't understand why. "I'm doing all the right things. Aren't I God? Why do you feel so far from me." It is now more about what I can do for God, and not what God has already done for me. I lose the realness of the relationship, and it's now mere discipline and habit, rather than longing and love. My words are still there, my prayers sound all proper. Yet there is no heart behind what I do and say, because it's coming from my mind and not my spirit. And what I've found in my own life, is that it can only last so long before you eventually crack, and your true colours start to show. We can't pretend forever, to be something that we're not.

It's not about how well I write, or how often I post. What I say or do. It's about my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Through that alone, I become REAL in my love towards others. I encourage and uplift, because I want to, not because I feel that it's what I am supposed to do, or it's merely just the right thing to say or do. As I draw closer to Him, something from the inside starts to change. Life becomes a joy, and not a burden. Love overflows.

The entire story of the bible, is about a God reaching out to his people, and telling them how much he loves them, and wants to be apart of their lives. Over and over, he extends his hand out to us. Never ending and never failing.

The greatest love story ever told. You should totally be apart of it.

~ Written by Anastasios Konstantinopoulos