Mat 20:21-22 (GNB) "What do you want?" Jesus asked her. She answered, "Promise me that these two sons of mine will sit at your right and your left when you are King." "You don't know what you are asking for," Jesus answered the sons. "Can you drink the cup of suffering that I am about to drink?" "We can," they answered.
We are so arrogant sometimes, I know I am. Many years ago I came to God telling Him that I wanted to follow Him and work for Him and now, looking back, I can almost see Him saying, “Please! This isn't a game! You don't have a friggen clue what you're asking!”
What comes to mind when you think about walking with God? Do you think about all those sermons you've heard from preachers in shiny suits telling you that the heavens will open and Gods blessing will rain down upon you? Well, let me tell you something, there's nothing glamorous about faith! Faith takes work, it takes sacrifice, it is often a life of pain and disappointment! Is it worth it in the end? Well, I don't know, because I'm still waiting to see, but I'm being humbled very quickly and learning that God isn't there for our own power trip!
Excuse me if I seem cynical, but let me explain: Within a year I have lost so much. Firstly my best friend and mentor, Adrian died in a motorcycle accident and then a few months later my wife left me and now it's like God is saying, “Ja, and now? Do you still want to walk with me?” So, don't come and tell me that all you have to do is pray and have faith and then everything will happen exactly as you want it to, because don't you think that I was on my knees many nights, scraping every bit of faith I had together, crying and begging God to bring her back to me? Well, I was and I quickly learned that God isn't a genie in a lamp waiting to grant our every wish! This is God's game and if you wanna play it, then you play it His way! If you really want the glory of God in your life then you better be ready to make some serious sacrifices my friend! It's like Jesus said: “If any of you want to come with me, you must forget yourself, carry your cross, and follow me.” (Matt 16:24 GNB)
The other day I got a new tattoo. It's an eagle and it has a lot of meaning for me. I remember Adrian talking about eagles a lot, especially on one of our annual camps aptly named Eagles Wings and I was always fascinated by eagles. When an eagle gets to about 40 years old, it's talons can no longer grab prey, it's beak becomes bent and it's wings becomes too heavy because of the old and damaged feathers. So, the eagle will go to a mountain top and start banging it's beak against a rock until it plucks it out. Then it will wait for a new beak to grow back and then it will pluck out it's talons. Then after the talons grow back it will start plucking out it's feathers and then the eagle will lie there naked and vulnerable until the feathers grow back. This whole process takes about 150 days, but when it is over the eagle will rise and take flight as a brand new eagle and then it will live for 30 more years! It is this process that inspires the famous verse in Isaiah: “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” (Isa 40:31 NKJV)
So, of course, in my ignorance I've always thought, that's so cool and one day I'm going to get a tattoo of an eagle! But now when I think about it, there's nothing cool about it! It's not glamorous! The poor eagle!! You see, we are so quick to arrogantly say, “oh, those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength and rise with wings like eagles” and then we sing that song, but do we have any idea what it takes to rise on wings as eagles!? Only now am I starting to realise what it means to really wait on the Lord while he plucks out your old feathers and leaves you naked and alone! Only now do I realise that God isn't there for my comfort, He has a cup that I must drink and if I'm serious about following Him then I better drink it!
I'm not trying to puff myself up, like I'm this brave and strong person, because I'm not! Most of the time I don't feel like this, most of the time there's anger, frustration, guilt, regret, doubt, fear etc. but then other times at least I get one thing right, I draw near to God in my desperation and this is the stuff He reveals to me. He teaches me what it means to follow Him. Yes, He is absolutely the God who gives, but He is also the God who takes away! And we have to love Him as both. Me and my ex-wife's relationship is too complex to explain, but I know now that neither of us could become the people that God wanted us to be if we had stayed together and that's a hard pill for me to swallow or should I say, a hard cup for me to drink.
I believe that the number one reason why people fail in their spiritual walk is because they don't allow God to change their hearts. Change is too painful, so people rather just stay as they are. God is the potter and we are the clay, in order for the Potter to make something beautiful out of the clay, He has to knead it, form it and then bake it in a hot oven and most people are just too quick to chicken out the moment things get a bit hot and uncomfortable! So, when God leads us to a mountain top to go through a painful process of renewal, then we might think twice about going through with it, but don't worry even Jesus did! Just before they came to arrest Him He prayed: “My Father, if it is possible, take this cup of suffering from me!”(Mat 26:39 GNB), but then He still had the courage to say: “Yet not what I want, but what you want.”
~ Written by Anonymous
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